Episode 83: Cathlene Miner

Cathlene Miner

Intro: [00:00:00] Welcome to the pretty powerful podcast where powerful women are interviewed every week to share real inspiring stories and incredible insight to help women or anyone break the barriers, be a part of innovation, shatter the glass ceiling and dominate to the top of their sport industry or life's mission.

Join us as we celebrate exceptional women and step into our power. And now here's your host, Angela Gennari.

Angela Gennari: Thank you for joining us for another episode of the pretty powerful podcast. My name is Angela January and today I'm here with Cathlene minor. Hi, Cathlene.

Cathlene Miner: Hello, thank you so much for having me today.

Angela Gennari: Oh, my pleasure. So I'm excited to introduce Cathlene because she's very dynamic. She just brings a lot of depth into the conversation. So I think there's going to be a lot of great things to talk about. So Cathlene embodies a life full of positivity, cherishing her roles as a mom, wife, and grandmother to [00:01:00] three amazing granddaughters, which by the way, you do not look like you can possibly have grandchildren.

Cathlene Miner: Thank you. I always say like, if you start early, you're

Angela Gennari: right. So she was a stay at home mom for over 20 years, dedicating herself to her family while also investing to grow financially and in her health from personal experiences. She is an advocate for keeping kids safe online, recognizing the importance of protecting children in the digital age.

Leading her to be the co founder and CEO of two tech startup companies. So as the founder and CEO of Hopeful Handbags Global, a 501c3 nonprofit, Cathlene is on a mission to raise hope for survivors of domestic abuse and their children, offering support and empowerment on a global scale. So her dedication to helping survivors regain their footing and rebuild their lives is nothing short of inspiring.

So that's amazing. So you have just a lot of things going on. You've got, you've been a stay at home mom for 20 years. And then [00:02:00] during that time you were investing in finances and your health. What, tell me, tell me about that experience and how it has shaped you.

Cathlene Miner: Yeah. So I'll start back to really, let me just jump back to high school just really quick.

Because when I was in high school, I had an eating disorder. So it was back in the day. I'm not exactly sure how, what your age is, but I'm 52. And so we did not have social media. We had magazines or what you saw in a commercial. So of course that was my, Oh, I want to look like that. So that's what led me down that path.

And I want to just bring that up because that's really what led to me living a life. Being healthy, trying to be as healthy as I can,

Both: because

Cathlene Miner: I realized that I can't keep doing that. That wasn't going to get me where I needed to be. And I was always very mature for my age. So as far as development went as a girl, I was fully developed.

I mean, I started [00:03:00] my period at eight. So I was like the size I am now, no joke. I was that size in fifth grade.

Both: And

Cathlene Miner: so I used to be made fun of anyway. So I got pregnant at a young age. And when I got pregnant, I kept getting sick. Like it, well, it ended up hyperemesis and from coming off of an eating disorder and the doctors knowing that, of course, they were like, why do you keep making yourself get sick?

Angela Gennari: Right.

Cathlene Miner: They think it's purposeful. Is that what was happening? Yes. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like I would not put my body through this. So I really started getting on a path of, okay. I've gotta start taking care of myself once I get through this pregnancy, which quite honestly, there was times I didn't know that I would, so I was 19 and I did, and I had a healthy boy, and all of my other pregnancies, all four had I had hyperemesis.

So it's just one of those [00:04:00] things that a small percentage of people get. And I would not wish that on anybody. It is a horrible feeling for a complete nine months, but I also ended up gaining a lot of weight at the end of each pregnancy. So, you know, I mean, I caught up really quick in the last month and a half.

Yeah. So I then worked at Mayo clinic and what I did was I worked my way up to a supervisor and I knew that what I was focusing on was growing, whether it be good or bad. And I needed to make some extra money because at this point I was a single mom of two kids. So I went and started teaching aerobics.

I got certified to teach every kind of aerobics that they had out there because I was like, I couldn't afford a gym membership. And this is a great way to get exercise and be able to be a member. And I would bring my kids with me. That was where I'd go after work. And I started working not only on myself, but on my clients and their self perception and what they thought and felt about themselves.[00:05:00]

Both: Right. And

Cathlene Miner: because all, I mean, I know this now at my age that you can do whatever you want, look amazing on the outside. It really doesn't matter much, right? It all really matters about what you feel like on the inside because the outside will come with it. Right. Right. Right. The inside has to be first. So that's what started my process as far as, you know, really paying attention to about what I thought and felt about myself and the same thing with my clients.

And then when I met my now husband, who we've been together now for about 26 years, um, I became a stay at home mom and then had two more children. And I did that for over 20 years, which was really something I never thought I would do. Okay. I would do that. But when the, when it presented itself, I was like, Oh, like, I think it'd be great to stay home with my kids.

And I will tell you that was the hardest job I ever had because I called my friends that were stay at home moms. And I was like, I am so sorry. Like I thought you [00:06:00] guys just had it made, uh, home all day with your kids. And I'll tell you, like, it was hard because you're emotionally invested in your kids.

Right. Even though I had, you know, 30 employees under me at all times, at least. You're not really emotionally invested with them. You know, you can go sit in your car on your lunch break or you can go home and shut it down. And you can't do that when you're a stay at home mom. So that's kind of just a little glimpse of how I got into the fitness industry as well.

So I've been doing that now for over 30 years. I did that while I was a stay at home mom. I had my own concierge fitness business because I wanted to keep up with that. And I was going to women's houses, people that didn't want to go to a gym. Or, um, a lot of them were older clientele that wanted to do functional fitness.

So I was able to keep up with making money and keeping myself. As much as I could to be, um, fulfilled inside in some way.

Angela Gennari: Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: [00:07:00] Yeah.

Angela Gennari: Well, and I think that's one of the challenges of being a stay at home mom is, you know, you, you call yourself a stay at home mom, but you were an entrepreneur the entire time that you were a stay at home mom.

The

Cathlene Miner: entire time. Yeah. And you're right. That is the hardest part. I mean, I don't know. And we hear moms say this all the time. Like, I don't know who I was to be honest, the person who I was. Um, and then the person who I thought I was going to be, it was neither one of those.

Angela Gennari: Well, and you have to have, you know, something other than your kids and trust me, I'm a mom too.

I love my child immensely, but you need something else to prove, to fill, you know, your passion and your, your, your interests. And so I think that that's a very healthy thing to do is pursuing that, that passion.

Cathlene Miner: It is. But I will say it wasn't all like that the whole time, you know, I mean, let's be real.

There were times where I was like, Especially when I had, you know, when my older one was learning how to drive, my youngest was learning how to walk. So I have a big [00:08:00] age range. My oldest is 32 and my youngest is now 18.

Both: We

Cathlene Miner: have a big age range in our kids, but so many things happened and. I started a nonprofit.

We talked about hopeful handbags. I'll, uh, mention that if that's okay. No, yeah. I'd like to, I'd like to learn more about that. Yeah. So my mom grew up in a very abusive home.

Angela Gennari: Okay.

Cathlene Miner: So there were 11 children altogether and my mom was pretty much in the middle and my grandfather not only abused my grandmother, but all of the children.

So it was just very, very dysfunctional. And how do I know about this? Because we lived across the street from my grandparents when I was younger.

Both: Now

Cathlene Miner: my mom had me when she was 15 and my dad was 17 and they're still together today. They are just the most amazing people. But as I grew a little older, I started to realize why we lived across the street.

And that was for my mom to be able to protect everybody else that was still at home. [00:09:00] Wow. So we had, my mom had siblings that were mine and my sister's age. So when they would run across the street and say, Debbie, you got to come over, they would come over to us. And I would just sit there and wonder like, why is this happening?

I mean, my parents tried to keep it from us, but I also knew it wasn't normal because I didn't live this way across the street. This wasn't what we were doing. And it always stuck with me as to why do people stay in abusive situations? Right.

Angela Gennari: Right.

Both: Never quite understood

Angela Gennari: that. Yeah. It's a, it's a really tough call.

And I mean, that's, that's one of the things that I think we all struggle with because, you know, I had been in an abusive second marriage. And so, and it was crazy because if you, if you look at my life, I have this very powerful, you know, like Driving for, you know, women empowerment and strong women and strong independent women and Type A alpha, all the things, right?

Like that's probably what they would [00:10:00] associate with me, but I was still in an abusive marriage and it doesn't start out that way. And that's the key. You know, the key is it doesn't start out that way and they're so manipulative and the manipulation is what gets you to stay. Not the addiction to the abuse, you know, which is what people think it is.

And it's not, you know, you don't become addicted to the abuse. You become a, you know, it's the manipulation. It's the, the good, the bad, the good, the bad, you're living for those good moments and you're tolerating the bad, knowing that it'll pass and they'll be good again. And so it's hard. It's very difficult.

Cathlene Miner: It is very hard. And as my mom just puts it plainly being brainwashed. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. She likes to explain it. And you know, it, it is true and you're right. If it was good, if it was bad all the time, people wouldn't stay. Right. It would be easy to leave. Absolutely. Be like, okay, this sucks. I don't like it.

This is not fun. They know just enough how, just far enough to push where they can pull you back in. And that's, [00:11:00] you've seen it. You just said it. And it's all about power and control. That's all they want is power and control. It has nothing to do with the survivor, as we call it, you know, that's that perk for that person.

They think, what did I do? They're going to do this with somebody else too. You know, that's, that's who they are. I will say there are a few that change, but I will say I've been doing this now since 2017. Not many of them change. It's just what's it. Yeah. In some way or another. Well, and they just

Angela Gennari: find their next victim, you know, um, you know, my ex had moved on and, um, you know, been, he was nearly married with another woman before, you know, our divorce was final.

So, I mean, they, they just find somebody else and, you know, it's, it's sad because you already know what that person is going through. You already know, but warning them. Is a waste of time. It is. It can be

Cathlene Miner: manipulated. Just like you

Angela Gennari: were. Yeah, I was convinced that she was the crazy person. [00:12:00] Like, you know, it's like they, they are so good at manipulating and they figure out, you know, what your triggers are and how to change your perception of yourself.

Right? Like, you no longer you look at yourself the same way. So it's not about how I feel about him. It changed how I feel about myself. And that's the part where, you know, you're no longer that powerful, you know, strong, independent woman that you were, you are now, you know, Hoping that you can get a glimpse of happiness, you know, and that you no longer feel like you're in control and you no longer feel like you're safe in your own body.

So yeah, it, it changes who you are. And it changes your perception of yourself, which is why people tend to not leave. You don't become a survivor until after you leave, you, you leave, right? That's when you gain your strength. That's when you, that's when you gain your strength and that's when you really start to rebuild your life.

And it's, it's,

Cathlene Miner: Yeah.

Angela Gennari: And that's

Cathlene Miner: not easy either. That's not easy. And so I think I might've mentioned, [00:13:00] I wrote a book called the 30 day self perception makeover, and I wrote that based on my own teenage and 20 somethings, the way I felt about myself. However, as I started working more and more with survivors and helping people get out of these relationships, this is now the base of hopeful handbags.

So every single one of our survivors that is part of our programs is cause you either go. And if you would be willing to help me find a person who would listen to my prayer, then Or if you're in a situation where you can't reach out, you just, just reach out and say, you know, go easy on me. I, I, I don't know.

I guess just to type. So go ahead and, um, just go for it. We can now look back since we've been doing it since 2017 and say, they're not repeating that same cycle because they've worked on, like, you know, what you've had to do, I'm sure, work on what you think and feel about yourself and what the truth of it is, not what somebody else tried to tell you.

Angela Gennari: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's that's the hardest [00:14:00] part is, you know, you have to retrain your brain to a different idea of who you are and what you stand for and what you're capable of, because that's the thing. They make you feel like you're not going to survive without them. You're not going to, you know, thrive.

You're, you know, you're better off staying in the situation you're in versus leaving because they've already destroyed who you think you are and your ability to, to, you know, walk away from them at any point. Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: Right. And we also have, we have somebody who does some great writing for us and our survivors chime in.

on beyond breaking bonds. So like you say, right, people will get out eventually. Now we help them no matter where they are. So sometimes I might be speaking with somebody who's still in that abusive relationship. And it's just a matter of reminding them who they are and they're, they, I knew you don't have to tell anybody anything.

Just probably, you can probably relate to this. You already know, you get to the point where, you know, [00:15:00] you just don't know what to do about it. You know, and if you've got a good support system, that's one thing, but not everybody has that. But beyond breaking bonds is the, after they've left, they've left and I can't tell you how many women that are still within our programs that are dealing with.

You know, they're not going to sign off on the house or they won't take their name off the bank account, or they won't show up at court to get the divorce or that it's just there. It's continued

Angela Gennari: manipulation and it's continued power play. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. My ex did the same thing. You know, he continued to try to manipulate him and.

Play the power card in every situation. And, you know, some of it was really hard because you're like, Oh my gosh, it'd just be so much easier if, you know, if I just took him back and we just, you know, and, and, and so you think, okay, this is just, you know, it's too hard to try to do this by myself. Cause they've already convinced you you're not capable of it anyway.

And so it just [00:16:00] becomes a testament of, you know, the strength you have to have to get out of an abusive relationship. It's the, one of the most, you know, challenging things I've ever had to do.

Cathlene Miner: Yeah. I can only imagine. And just from even the women that we work with, that the mental manipulation, which is harder to get over so many people that are having, and then there's so many different kinds of abuse.

Right. So there's so many people that have the physical abuse and yet they say that was easier to get over than the mental. And that's why within the organization we call it domestic abuse and not domestic violence. Because when we say the word violence, people automatically think. Physical. And they say, Oh, well, that's not me.

So I'm not in that boat or they only hit me one time. And it was, you know, so that's me, but there's so many different other kinds of abuse and psychological. It's one of the biggest ones, right? Trying to convince you that's what the manipulation comes in, that that really never happened. Or you just saw that [00:17:00] totally wrong.

Now you're, you know, absolutely.

Angela Gennari: The gas lighting. Oh my gosh. It's awful. Yes, exactly. It is.

Cathlene Miner: It is. So that's a lot of what we do now. The thing is though, that separates us out from other organizations. Although we all work together, we are huge on collaboration because we know that we cannot do this by ourselves, but is that we focus on where are we going?

Like where are we going? We don't really look back too much in case you have to every once in a while. We're not here to dig out why something happened. We just want to know what are your hopes? What are your dreams and how can we get you there? Yeah. And so that long term sustainability is our end goal.

We say health, wellness, happiness, and long term sustainability. And of course, for some people it takes longer than others. So we have a couple of programs and of course it's all unique and catered to that. Survivor because it depends on where they are in the situation, but we don't [00:18:00] give

Both: up.

Cathlene Miner: And sometimes it's things like, I've been told many times that I, I just give a loving push because I'm not giving up.

I mean, I will say how many resumes did you send out this week? Like we have to get them in a situation where they're supporting themselves. And even I, many of them are. We work with our supporting themselves, meaning they were the ones that were the main breadwinner, but they didn't have control over all the money that they were making.

So that's a whole, that's a whole learning process. Now, what do I do? Or, or I now I feel bad for them because I was the one making the money. Should I be helping? I mean, it's, it's a lot and it depends on the culture. So we are, um, global now. Yep. And we are in about eight countries. I say that because I'd have to sit down and count.

And we're also in Kenya. So this is just an example. Okay. So in Kenya, [00:19:00] the, what is needed there for long term sustainability is going to be different than say in the US, Canada, or the UK. Right. So, what we're doing there is we are doing rainwater harvesting tanks, and we're doing them at the rural schools.

Now, how does that work into what we're doing? Well, our survivors of child abuse and domestic abuse are the ones that are working on those projects, whether they're doing the paperwork or they're planning, or they're visiting the schools and all of that. And we are getting these going. So these schools have absolutely no running water.

Angela Gennari: Wow.

Cathlene Miner: None. They're going like, you know, with the. barrels and getting it from the ponds or the streams, whatever's close to them. They probably wore, they walk anywhere from three quarters to three miles to get to water. And they have to bring water to school every day. Well, what was happening is they're getting waterborne illnesses because number one, you don't know if it's clean.

And I've learned so much about this that I [00:20:00] did not know over the past few years, we've been doing it now for almost two and a half years. Is that so if I live near a lake and I'm getting my water from the lake or when I was little, chances are I'm probably going to become immune to a lot of the things that are in that lake, right?

That your lake is probably different. So you would not be immune to those things. So you would be sick. And so what's happening is when the kids are bringing water in, because they have to bring water in and they're all sporting it, or they're sharing, there's waterborne illnesses. So we have, we have put in 12 tanks now, they're 10, 000 liter tanks and their basic rainwater gutter system tanks and our bases are amazing because they'll last over 20 years.

So now we have not had waterborne illnesses at these schools that we have, but

Angela Gennari: yeah, that's incredible. I

Cathlene Miner: mean, rainwater in these areas is the cleanest, purest water you're going to get, [00:21:00] right? They don't have access to anything, any cleaner than that. So, what that's doing is helping us with long term sustainability for our survivors, because within the money that we raise for each tank, we also have labor in there.

So they're getting paid for what they're doing. And I mean, it costs 2000 U. S. dollars. From beginning to end for a tank that's going to last 20 years, like, yeah, I mean, it literally changes the lives of not only the schools because they have anywhere between 250 and 600 kids in these schools, but it also changes the lives of the community because we make the water accessible to the community as well.

So that's just one project and whatever money is raised within hopeful handbag stays within the project that it's being raised for, or the community that it's being raised for. That's good. So like if you, yeah, so if you donate and you're in your area, you know it's gonna stay within your area or [00:22:00] the five surrounding counties, depending.

You know, where you are in the world. That's just a really, let me just mention one thing. Hopeful handbags. My grandmother loved her handbag. Anytime she would leave, she would always have her handbag. And that's when we started collecting things to go into handbags. and raise hope, but also open that conversation around domestic abuse.

And it really absolutely does. And my grandmother passed away over 30 years ago, probably about 35 years ago now, um, from a brain injury, which I just think you can only get hit so many times. And Um, it's just always stuck with me. So that's just a brief overview of hopeful handbags. I guess that was so

Angela Gennari: question about the hopeful handbags, because that's what I was, I was curious how the, you came to the name and how that, you know, plays into what you do.

So your handbags, you said we, we put. Items in the handbags. Is it like go bag kind of things? Like when they, when you're in an abusive relationship, they tell you to have a go bag [00:23:00] ready, which is, you know, have some essential items in case you need to leave immediately because you're in danger. Right. So they call it a go bag.

Cathlene Miner: Is that essentially what this is? Yeah. So we have them. And what we do is we have the communities donate their once loved handbags. So these are really nice handbags that we fill

Both: and we

Cathlene Miner: fill them with necessities. Like you're talking about toothbrush, toothpaste, tissues, hairbrush, combing, you name the basics, we've got them in there.

And then we also though include journals. We include just some things to make you feel good and a handwritten note. And we've been told that these aren't just, Full bags, like everything means something. Some, when they pull it out, they feel hopeful. They feel loved. They know that people are really there for them.

We also tag the bags. So we tag them for two reasons. One, so that the organization, if we're not there to give the bags out, they know that this is a hopeful handbag and they, they know by our reputation that everything in there has been gone through. There's no drugs. There's no,

Both: there's

Cathlene Miner: nothing in [00:24:00] there that should not be in there.

Both: And

Cathlene Miner: then the other thing is the survivors pull off the tags and give them to other people that might need to get in contact with us. So it's a two fold type of tag, but that's how a lot of people, we now people can Google us, but you know, that's also how we're able to spread the word of opening that conversation because even if you're in that, sometimes just reaching out to a family member, depending on the situation, Maybe you've reached, you know, some people have reached out to them numerous times and they're like, I don't want to hear it anymore.

And they want somebody that has no judgment at all. And not that our family doesn't want what's best for us, but it happens. So we guide them from there. So that's how the handbags came out. My grandmother always loved her handbag. And we also, people will donate once loved handbags that are designer handbags that they'll say when they donate them, you can sell these.

So what we've done is we opened up a Poshmark [00:25:00] store. And so that's really only in the U S and that's the money that I go to first for hotel rooms. So we call hotel rooms pop up shelters because I mean, if somebody calls us and we can't get them into a shelter, we've got to have a place to put them.

Both: Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: So that funds those things, which is great. And somebody gets a great handbag. That's an amazing shape and got it to a good cost.

Angela Gennari: Wow. So I love what you're doing with domestic, um, domestic abuse because, you know, it's not now this, I assume this is all catered towards women. Are there any, cause I know with domestic abuse, especially when it comes to, uh, kind of that mental, emotional abuse, men go through a lot of that as well.

Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: So we help men as well. Absolutely. We even have what we call man bags. We don't have as many because statistically it's women and more women reach out than men.

Angela Gennari: I was about to say, I bet it happens a lot with men, but they don't report [00:26:00] it. I bet because I, you know, I've, I've talked to people all the time and they say, you know, I got out of the suit.

Super toxic marriage. And when you talk about toxicity, a lot of what they're saying is abuse, you know, it's abuse, but they, they don't see it as that because they don't want to frame it in a, in a situation where they feel like they haven't, they don't have the power. Right. And so I think that that's, that's a, it's something that you have to be aware of with men, that they're less likely to admit that they lost power in a relationship.

Whereas women, you know, we, we, we will, you know, more readily say, Hey, this was an abusive relationship, especially if it involves physical abuse, but, you know, definitely power struggles, you know, when, when somebody has taken all your power away, um, that that is super toxic and abusive.

Cathlene Miner: Yeah, absolutely. But we do get men that we help and.

We're open to helping whoever needs it. Cause it's all needed. I mean, we need to open up that conversation and talk about [00:27:00] it and let people realize that you deserve better than that. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Like you just don't. And how many people have said, you've probably heard this too.

Okay. Once my kids grow up, then I'll think about it. I'm staying for the kids. Well, do you see what your kids are learning?

Angela Gennari: That's exactly right. You know, this is one of my issues too, is like, you know, I would much rather model being a strong, healthy, single adult than, you know, allowing someone to be abusive to me in my home.

And then that's what my children are seeing as love and commitment. And that is not love and commitment. That is abuse. And you don't want to normalize that for your children. And I, I can get up on my high horse all day long, you know, and talk about this because I just feel like too many people stay.

with this idea that they're staying for the kids and doing the kids a favor. But if you ask most children who are now adults in, you know, home where they were grew up in a home that was very toxic or abusive, they will tell you [00:28:00] they wish their parents had gotten divorced and they gotten out of that situation years and years and years before.

Cathlene Miner: Absolutely. And somebody listening today will hear this and it'll click. Mm hmm. This is why I love, like, we need to talk about this stuff more. Yeah, absolutely. You have to normalize being able to talk about it too. And know that there's no judgment being in there. We know what manipulation happens.

Angela Gennari: There's no shame in, you know, you you've like, I've gotten a divorce and I've been single now for almost seven years. And, you know, sometimes I feel guilt. Like maybe I should be, you know, in a marriage, maybe I shouldn't have left my marriage because, you know, I'm raising a child by myself, but at the same time, he is a very healthy, well adjusted young man.

Whereas had I stayed, I know it would have hurt his confidence, his, you know, self perception. It would have. You know, eventually change to he is as a person being in that situation for so long. [00:29:00]

Cathlene Miner: Absolutely. So you, you did the right thing and you're a great role model for people out there that are in situations like that.

I mean, if you can do it, if any people, anybody can do it, it's hard. It's

Angela Gennari: not hard. Yeah, it's hard. But you know, like I love the saying, choose your heart, right? Choose your heart. Is it hard to be a single parent and be, you know, independent and figuring it all out by yourself? Or is it hard to continually feel like you have no power over your own life and that you're constantly being abused and manipulated and, you know, told you're not good enough.

And so you have to choose your heart. And for me, my heart is going to be where I'm choosing myself. Yeah. Every day, you know, and I'm not choosing to be in a situation that and that's

Cathlene Miner: what they're going to is going to be too.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. Yep. So, you know, unfortunately, you know, You're in a situation and you know, you were a single parent as well, where you feel like, am I the only one?

Like, am I the only single parent around [00:30:00] here? You start to feel guilty. But you know, at the same time, I do feel like, you know, staying in a marriage, especially if it's abusive in any way or toxic in any way, is just, it's hurting the children, not helping the children. You're not helping them by having, you know, a nuclear family where you're all together.

You're helping them by giving them a break from the toxicity. Even if, even if you still, you know, the, they say, well, I don't want to have to leave because then there'll be alone with my ex for a certain amount of time. And it's like, well, at least they get a break from that ex. Right. So at least they have a break of normalcy and, you know, hopefully you can get to the point where, you know, visitation is supervised or there's something where you're still protecting your children, even if you're not physically there, but.

You know, allowing them to stay in a situation where either you are being abused or they are being abused is just not good.

Cathlene Miner: It's not. And then when people try to get into next relationships after going out of abuse situations, always reminding them [00:31:00] of, does this person bring out the best parts of you because that's really a good way to gauge whether or not that's worth getting into.

Both: You

Cathlene Miner: can't make excuses anymore for anybody else. And unfortunately, I've seen it not as many times, um, as I thought I would, but I really think it's because of the programs that we have the people go through and we aren't afraid to say it's like, I'm not afraid to say to somebody, you know, that's just a really bad idea.

I mean, you know, at some point you can't, you can't let everybody, they make their own decisions in the end, but we also have to be good friends and say, that's not, that's What's the best for well,

Angela Gennari: it's so true because when you're coming out of an abusive relationship and you've been, you know, manipulated your, you may not have great decision making and judgment.

And so just having somebody who gives you tough love and just say, listen, I know that this. Feels comfortable to you because of what you've been through, but it's not [00:32:00] okay. Like, it's not okay for somebody to speak to you that way. It's not okay for you to put, you know, to give your power away, you know, and so that's their, their judgment is off sometimes.

And, and it takes time. It takes time to get through that. And, and, you know, your judgment and your decision making when you're fresh out of an abusive relationship can be pretty faulty. And so it takes time to get And I think making good choices.

Cathlene Miner: What you're saying also is that sometimes those things aren't as bad as it was before.

Like, I mean, this is better than it was. So this is okay. I can deal with if they do this or this because it was a lot worse. No, there's somebody out there who is absolutely amazing for you. It will bring out the best in you. So let's not like put yourself on a block here. Where that person can't come into your life.

And those are the types of things that we talk about. I mean, we have to talk about so many things because our goal again, is health, happiness, and long term [00:33:00] sustainability. We want people to be happy. And we want these kids to grow up in families that everybody's. And you're just talking things out. Maybe you don't agree with what the significant other said, but you're talking it out and coming to a compromise.

Or you're just saying, you know what, let's just agree to disagree on this one, because it's just something we're never going to agree with. And then you move on.

Angela Gennari: And that's perfectly okay. Yeah. So. So I'm going to pivot just a little bit. Um, so you started these two tech companies, um, and these tech companies cater towards, is it children who are at risk?

What, what is happening? Tell me about this. There's

Cathlene Miner: two separate parts to this. And one of them came from just my own experience with one of my kids. And it was because the, okay. So one of my kids. I'm trying to think of which one to put out here with this. So with social media, there's so many things that our kids are seeing these days that we're not [00:34:00] aware of.

We're just not aware of now with my older kids that are 32 and 29. The worst thing we had to worry about with cell phones was texting you at 10 PM. Like that's ridiculous. No. And remember you get the phone bill and like it would even list all the phone numbers of everybody they called or texted, like it's like.

Yeah. But anyway, um, so it's like, Oh, I know they didn't see it, but then with the younger kids, they're getting their phones earlier. My kids didn't get phones until they were in high school, but I started to notice that one of my kids, she, uh, 15 just turned 15 at the time and things were changing. It wasn't acting the same, wasn't dressing the same, hanging out with different people, all just.

Something wasn't right. Now I'm a phone checker. Like my kids knew, listen, I'm going to check the phone.

I

mean, I know the passwords. I'm going to check [00:35:00] it. I'm not hiding anything from you. All phones have to be plugged in downstairs by 10 PM every night. It's just the rule. It's always been that way. It's not going to change.

So I was checking phones, but what I didn't know was what's behind apps. So I didn't realize that you can hide apps behind the apps. So like, so like if you were to maybe click on the camera icon on your phone, well, behind the camera icon could be tick tock, it could be any other kind of, so you name it, it could be there.

So whatever you're seeing on the front, isn't necessarily what's there. Now I wasn't checking those things. I don't really need to see the camera, you know, I don't, and I was just checking to see what apps were there. So I felt like, God, this is kind of boring, so I must be missing something. Okay. So long story short, um, we ended up in situation where there was a hospital stay for a month.

Um, there was cutting. It was a lot of stuff going [00:36:00] on.

Both: Mm-Hmm. And then I

Cathlene Miner: finally got into that phone, finally figured it out. And the things that I saw that my child was seeing, I was just flabbergasted. Like, wow, seriously. I was just like, oh my gosh. Like showing kids how to harm yourself without your parents knowing.

And if you feel depressed, this is what you should be doing. If you feel this way, this is why now mind you, these are, you know, 15, 16, 17 year old kids picture, like a room all messy in the background. And they're trying to tell your kids what to do and how to feel better.

Both: Wow.

Cathlene Miner: So I'm really surprised about this and what we're seeing.

And then with my grandkids and YouTube, even the stuff that's popping into the middle of videos. Hmm. These are things that are totally age inappropriate. And it either grooms our kids or gives them ideas in their heads to think, Oh gosh, never thought of that. I mean, when [00:37:00] we were younger, we didn't have to think about that stuff.

If you didn't know what you didn't know, unless some friend told you, or you heard it on TV or maybe saw a magazine, you have no idea that stuff even existed, right? And now it's right in front of their face. And my issue with this also is that it's being fed to them. So it's not that your kids are always doing something wrong.

It's that if I go and search for a white. Crop top. They're going to assume that I'm a teenage girl. So what's going to happen is now, before I see all the people that I follow, I'm being fed everything that they think a teenage girl might need to see, which could include eating disorders, um, gender, it can, can include self harm.

It can include all that stuff. And now you've got 12 year olds that are looking at this stuff. Like, Oh my gosh. I mean, in the amount of, okay. And since then, when I've done more and more research and I mean, even porn is readily available [00:38:00] on Instagram and Twitter. Like I'm talking full on, this isn't even just a picture.

Angela Gennari: Wow.

Cathlene Miner: Anyway. So part of this is a, it's a website that is being launched in the next two months. It's already completed. It's just a matter of time and getting the beta testers in and out. And it's called Tuzu and it is a kid's creator site. So we started with this particular site because there are so many kids creators out there.

They're they're innocent kids. They're trying to show people 17 and under we're talking about like how to make slime, um, how to put makeup on, how to, you know, the little things they're playing with. And kids are really interested in that. But you can't really let them go on YouTube anymore because you don't know what's popping in the middle of the videos, right?

So we've made this site that is going to be very, very monitored. So also the parents have to sign the kids up and also the users have to be verified. So as example, if I've got, you know, [00:39:00] a child and she's seven and she wants to make slime, then I have to have my ID held up with her and they have, everything has to match up.

The other thing is the parents will be notified of any comments or any of that stuff via email that goes on The other part of this is an entrepreneurial site So these kids are also able to receive tips like money tips from other kids. They're able to um Sell some of their content, meaning this video costs 5, you know, whatever they want to put on it.

Cause there's some really talented kids out there that are teaching people how to do makeup, how to do stage makeup, how, you know, how to cook, how to make snack boxes. So that the thought behind that is. Being able to protect kids as much as we can, not figured out really the way yet as far as the social media and being able to protect them from all of those sites, except for to tell parents that you have to check your kids phones.

You [00:40:00] have to, they don't need privacy. They need your protection, right? So just do it, do it. I don't 16, like you have to, you start seeing changes go on. Don't even question it. If you feel it in your gut, there's a reason why you need to.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. I, I agree. Um, you know, there's a time and place for privacy and I, I don't believe that, you know, children can make the best decisions for themselves.

Um, just yet their brains aren't fully formed, you know? And so, you know, Help, help them, you know, don't, don't feel like you're raising a bunch of little mini adults to get to help them make good choices. And sometimes the choices that they make can be impulsive. And, um, yeah, I agree. Sometimes you're protecting them from themselves.

And if they feel like they have too much into it, because the world is at their fingertips on the, on the internet, right. They can learn whatever they want and they can use that for good or bad. So yeah. Well, they're

Cathlene Miner: not even, yeah. And the stuff's being fed to them. So they may not even know something exists [00:41:00] until it pops up on the phone.

And they're like, Oh my gosh, what's that? Right. And then, you know, Frank is showing Susie and they're all sitting together on the phone. We have to really monitor what's going on with our kids. They also have challenges out there and this has been going on for years.

Both: Um,

Cathlene Miner: all kinds of things. How many happens with over the counter things?

Both: Um,

Cathlene Miner: I don't know who's listening, so I won't go into detail, but I'll tell you, like, you've got to watch and see, cause these kids are taking on these challenges and they're ending up not living anymore. Yeah. So we have to see what they're seeing. The algorithm on these sites are feeding them through into the background.

And that is a problem. That's a problem.

Angela Gennari: Yeah, yeah, I agree. And, and it's sad because, you know, I, I will, you know, go on to TikTok and I'm, I'm, you know, most of what I'm seeing are, you know, motivational [00:42:00] and, you know, it's, it's business related and it's, you know, all stuff that's somewhat professional, but, you know, then I was talking to somebody else and you're like, yeah, there was this TikTok of a guy holding a gun to a dog's head.

I was like, where are you seeing this crazy stuff? Like, yeah. Why is that okay? And like, I don't know how, you know, like this is not banned. I don't know how people are allowed to do this stuff and not be arrested or not, you know, have, you know, be banned from the site, but it's happening all the time. And unfortunately people can find whatever they want.

Both: There's

Angela Gennari: so much of it.

Cathlene Miner: And then all you have to do is slow down. So if one of our kids slows down on something like literally like just goes from scrolling to, Oh, really slow. Oh yeah. They're on the algorithm for whatever that was. It's going slow. So they could have seen something that was like a gun in a holster.

You never know. So guess what's targeted now. Now they're going to [00:43:00] start seeing it or anything having to do with sexual stuff. They slow down on it. Guess what's going into their feed next time.

Both: And

Cathlene Miner: this is what's happening. So the thought behind this is to be able to protect kids that are creative and that want to do things.

And at least we can start, I am on a mission to make social media safer. I mean, at that point, when that happened with my child, when we took the phone away for a year, I mean, a full year, not only just took the phone away, we like disconnected the number. Like, The whole phone was gone and then it took a year to trust that we could get back on the phone.

And that was after high school and they are, scientists have studied now that kids used to be developed with their brain earlier and now they're not. Now it's 26, 27 and a lot of it is because the instant gratification. So when we were younger, if we wanted to find something out, I had to [00:44:00] go to the encyclopedia or I had to go to the library.

Like I had to research to find the answer to every single question. Now they just Google it. So their mind with that instant gratification, that part has not developed like it should. And that's why they get so frustrated. I've got some very good friends and family members who are. You know, business people and when they have some of these younger kids come in for internships and stuff, they're like, they tell them what to do.

And they come back five minutes later. Like I can't find it. Okay. Well, one of them happened to be a law office. And they're like, well, see all those books back there. Yep. Yep. It's there. I promise you the answer is there. You got to find it. So, and it's not their fault just because they have literally everything at the tip of their hands and they take it as truth.

So that's another issue.

Angela Gennari: Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: Yeah. When they find something they [00:45:00] think. That's a fact.

Angela Gennari: Not always a

Cathlene Miner: fact.

Angela Gennari: I have some, um, I have some younger employees at my company and I was asking them one time, like, how do you get your information? Like you, you don't watch the news. Cause they said, well, no, we never watched the news.

Okay. Well, how do you get your information? They're like, well, you know, usually it's tick tock or influencers. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, these are people who don't. Don't know anything really. They're not watching the news

Cathlene Miner: either.

Angela Gennari: They're making stuff up and then putting it out as fact and people are believing it and it's so scary.

I mean there's just so much misinformation out there and people aren't willing to do the work and figure it out on their own. What I'm also seeing at work is that you have a lack of problem solvers. You know, like I can't stand when somebody is given the solution instead of they have to figure out the solution.

Like I, I get, I get calls all the time from [00:46:00] employees or vendors and whoever. And, and they, they say, you know, well, my issue is this and this and this and this, and can you go fix it? No, I can't go fix it. I need you to go fix it. And then let me know how that works out for you. I'm not going to jump in and fix all your issues.

You have to at least come to me with, even if it's a half ass solution, at least I know you're trying and you're putting thought into it, but people just want things to be fixed. They have to just be fixed. And so it's very infuriating because I. I want to embrace problem solvers, because not only does problem solving give you the ability to think through a situation, it builds your confidence that you can then solve other problems.

But there's a lack of confidence. Like people, people melt down at the slightest challenge. You know, there's, there's a slight inconvenience or a slight challenge. Oh, I'm so stressed. I can't take this. It's just too hard. I don't know how I'm gonna get through it. Okay, well, you're going to get through it because you're going to feel it.

figure it out, right? [00:47:00] So I think that's the difference between the generation now and the generation we come from because, you know, we had to figure things out. We had to be creative. We had to do our research. We had to problem solve. And the, the younger generations are not problem solving. They might be seeking an answer, but that answer isn't well thought out.

So they're just going to believe whatever they get. Or the parents are solving the problems for them, which is even worse, to be honest, like it's even worse when the parent jumps in and the child never has to deal with any kind of adversity or challenges or problem solving until now they're an adult and now they're out in the adult world in the workforce and college and they're, they have that gap of knowledge on how to be a problem solver and it creates the, this, this distress that.

There's not that much that they have to be stressed about at their age, but they're stressed because they don't know how to problem solve.

Cathlene Miner: And you can see how that goes down the whole hill [00:48:00] of social media because they're going into seeing these things already, not very confident in themselves, taking whatever they're seeing as the truth or whatever they're seeing as reality, which we know that's not, I mean, you know, when, when filters first started coming out with social media.

I don't know. I didn't even think it was a filter at first. I just thought to myself, gosh, everybody, this may sound crazy, but I was like, everybody is doing a really good job with their makeup.

Both: I know.

Cathlene Miner: I was like, I mean, how do I do that? You know, everybody looks airbrushed. How does that happen? I mean, it was, it lasted for not that long, but then I was like, Oh my gosh, like everybody looks the same.

Angela Gennari: Yeah, they all look like cartoon characters to me. Like, you know, they, they don't look like they even have like lines in their face. It's just like this cartoonish look. And it's so odd, but yeah, well, and, and, you know, people are just told, this is what's normal and this is what looks good. And they just want to be told, okay, you know, [00:49:00] do this and they do that.

And then, you know, you

Cathlene Miner: have a 15 year old, say girl or boy, they're looking in their mirror at home and they're like, Yeah. You don't look like that. Right.

Angela Gennari: I have lines on my face. I have pimples. I have. Yeah. And, and yeah, that, yeah. Then they, they start to question their

Cathlene Miner: self confidence and then they tried to get out into the world.

So I actually have a book too for the teenagers. It's a self perception teen edition and, but the thing is, it's like anything else with mindset. Like you can't, it's not osmosis. Right. You have to do the work. You've got to do the work. And so many people don't want to do the work. Right. It doesn't take time to invest in yourself every single day, like every day.

It's not like, it's like going to the gym. You can't go for two weeks and say, Oh, done, got that figured out for the rest of my life. So I think it's really important too, to teach our kids. That by [00:50:00] example, right. We've got to have a routine. We have to have that stuff as part of it doesn't take long. It can take five or 10 minutes.

Right. So whether you're writing or whether you're whatever works for you, you know, just have that space that people can go back to themselves and know that I got this. I might have to give myself a little pep talk. But I'm going to be my biggest fan. I have to be my instead of wanting everybody else to be my fan so that I feel better.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. Yeah. That, that confidence has to come from within. It can't be based on affirmation or validation from other people. It has to come from within. Absolutely. So you're very inspiring, but who inspires you?

Cathlene Miner: Who inspires me? You know, I say my kids just because they really do. They do. And I think to my mom, you know, my mom has always been a big inspiration to me.

And as I got older, realizing what she grew up in and how she [00:51:00] came out being the person that she is to me is amazing because unfortunately not all the siblings. Came out of that situation in a great way.

Both: Yeah, I'm sure. And,

Cathlene Miner: just the way that she always keeps moving and really does. Concentrate on her spiritual growth.

You know, I'll never, we aren't religious people per se, but yet really, you know, knowing that we've got to work on ourselves inside and that there's the brighter side of things. So even when, you know, I say I live a life of positivity, I do, I do, because I know that when I start going down that little hill, I can, I gotta start going back up because I've had times in my life where I've been down that Hill, not thinking I was getting out of it.

I was a little, you know, like even when I went through a divorce, I was married once when I was younger, you know? And I remember just being like, Oh, I just tell my mom can just wake me up in like two months. Like, can I [00:52:00] just get, I can't deal with this anymore.

Both: Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: And. But I had to, you know, we have to look at the good points of things.

But anyway, now my mom, she's, and my dad, I mean, honestly, I just wish everybody can meet my parents. Like, my parents are, they really are absolutely amazing. And my dad even plays Santa every year at the shelters. You know, it's just what we do.

Angela Gennari: That's amazing. That's awesome. So I feel like time has just flown by here.

I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I just have one more question and that is what do you wish more people knew about

Cathlene Miner: me or just in general, in general?

Both: Yeah.

Cathlene Miner: In general, I wish people knew that what we think about grows. I think people know it. They just don't focus on it.

Angela Gennari: Yeah. So

Cathlene Miner: we, we know by the way that we feel about which direction we're headed

Both: in.

Cathlene Miner: I truly believe that. And so we've got to shift that. [00:53:00] And I always call them changeover statements, but we, we do, we have to pay attention to the way we're feeling. And if people knew that, And they knew that it's not anybody else's fault.

Both: Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Cathlene Miner: Yeah. Let's look back to us. Yeah. Let's start heading in the right direction because then we can teach our kids the same thing.

They're not going to always listen, but they'll have it in the back of their head. I truly believe that. And I see that now with my older kids and even actually all my kids now, since the youngest is 18 and they'll do and say things. And I think, like I say to myself, like it's sunk in like,

Both: sometimes you'll

Cathlene Miner: wonder, sometimes I'm like, Oh my God, I remember being like, is this it?

Ever.

Angela Gennari: That's amazing. Well, Cathlene, I have enjoyed this so much. You have so much great insight to share. And I am excited to get this out to everyone because I think that everyone can really learn, um, you know, not just about that inner confidence [00:54:00] and, you know, how we can help others, but you've really devoted your life to making sure that those, those, those, Who are going through certain things, whether it's, you know, children on the, you know, in the internet world who, you know, are being manipulated or people who are coming out of abusive relationships.

You know, I love that you're dedicating your life to this. So I just wish you so much more success and, and so much more influence in everything that you're doing, because you're creating a great legacy.

Cathlene Miner: Well, thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you for what you do.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. Well, thank you guys for joining us for another episode of the pretty powerful podcast.

You can find Cathlene minor on pretty powerful podcast. com. And then how else can they find you

Cathlene Miner: at Cathlene minor.com? I have all of them.

Angela Gennari: Perfect. All right, guys, we'll have an amazing day and we look forward to seeing you next time.

Intro: Bye bye. Thank you for joining our guests on the Pretty Powerful Podcast, and we hope you've gained new insight and learned from exceptional women.

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