Episode 86: Sara Webb

Sara Webb

Intro: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Pretty Powerful Podcast, where powerful women are interviewed every week to share real inspiring stories and incredible insight to help women or anyone break the barriers, be a part of innovation, shatter the glass ceiling, and dominate to the top of their sport, industry, or life's mission.

Join us as we celebrate exceptional women and step into our power. And now here's your host, Angela Gennari.

Angela Gennari: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the pretty powerful podcast. My name is Angela Gennari. And today I'm here with Sarah Webb. Hi, Sarah. Hi,

Sara Webb: Angela. Thanks so much for having me.

Angela Gennari: My pleasure. I'm excited to talk to you because we're going to talk about one of my favorite topics, which is meditation and empowerment.

And so I want to introduce Sarah. So Sarah Webb is a resilience coach. So she empowers women to get over their ex and get back to themselves so they can live their very best life. She [00:01:00] specializes in healing heartbreak from big breakups to divorce by teaching clients to heal from within by reviving their innate power.

So I love this because I know that while this podcast is generally very business focused, our personal lives have so much impact on our business life, right?

Sara Webb: Absolutely. Heartbreak affects productivity.

Angela Gennari: Mm hmm.

Sara Webb: Sometimes people are able to really throw themselves into their career or their work or study or something and really just kind of dissociate.

Yeah. Times, it is all consuming and this. I hope I can say this, this itty bitty shitty committee here. Yes. In our ears. Really disempowers us and we end up spiraling and trying to figure out what went wrong. And we're kind of going through the motions, but we're not [00:02:00] really, you know, when you like read a whole page and you realize you haven't read any of it because you're off somewhere else.

happens when we're going through a big heartbreak. It's such a grief and it's a trauma. And it's social rejection and

Angela Gennari: everything. And so it hurts our confidence. And our ability to trust ourselves, right? And if you can't trust yourself, you start making bad decisions. And you're like, you know, if I just brought in somebody really toxic into my life, right?

And now I've got to get over that breakup. It's really hard to then turn around and make a really good business decision because you've, you've now crushed your confidence a little bit. You've you're start questioning your own ability to make good choices. And so I know that has happened for me. You know, one of the worst years of my business was my year of my divorce.

And it was, you know, it was not that I forgot how to be a business woman. It was that I just had so many distractions and my confidence [00:03:00] was crushed. And, you know, it's, it's hard to kind of manage through that. So, um, so that's why I'm really excited that we're talking about this and, um, something that I think is very relevant to business today.

Sara Webb: Yeah. And it's a pattern. It doesn't have to be romantic relationships. Yeah. Yeah. We have heartbreak in business. Yeah. Heartbreak in friendships. Sometimes, uh, with parents, my parents break my heart almost every single day because of the strained relationship we have. And it's about going back and looking at what are the things that I am doing and that are being energetically attracted toward me because I mean, I'm a meditation coach by training and we are vibration.

We are pure energy. Everything is energy. But when we get into the actual energetics of what happened during [00:04:00] childhood, adolescence can start to unwind some of these patterns that we continue to repeat in adulthood, in all kinds of relationships. That cause.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. And, you know, I love that you really kind of also focus a lot on the LGBTQ plus communities, because that really is something that I feel like there's so much trauma that could happen in your youth from that, you know, from, from being part of a marginalized community.

And, and then having to, you know, come out to your parents, come out to your friends. Am I sure? Am I not sure, you know, where do I belong? Where do I fit in? And so tell me what that is like, and tell me how, you know, you have overcome some of these, you know, kind of past hurts that, you know, you were talking about relationships.

This is a big one. Yeah.

Sara Webb: It's gay. When I was 18 years old, I [00:05:00] stayed in the closet. And although I dated primarily women, I never came out to my family. My brother knew, but I went firmly back into the closet and married a man and procreated with him. Then I'm what you call a later in life lesbian because I didn't come out until I was 38.

Wow. And It was all part of this huge unwinding and so that heartbreak that I alluded to with my parents, you know,

Angela Gennari: is

Sara Webb: many LGBTQIA plus plus plus rainbow alphabet of the community suffer from whether they come out when they're teenagers or later in life. I think especially later in life because. My parents just believe that it's a choice and that I'm

Angela Gennari: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you know, and I'm sure you know the whole, you know, well, well you got married well you had children so I mean, you know, you must just be confused is what they're, you know, and and I hate that I hate [00:06:00] that people feel like, you know, just because you've made certain choices.

You obviously just don't know. And, and it's not that it's sometimes it's just denial. It's denial of no, I, I, I have to go marry a man because this is what I'm supposed to do. Right. Or I have to have children. I'm a woman. This is what I'm supposed to do. Right. And we are judged so harshly by society. If we don't follow societal norms.

So how did you then, where did you find the courage to say, okay, enough is enough. You had gotten married to a man and then You know, you, you decided to divorce then at that point, what was that like? And, and how did you explain to your children that, you know, there was, there was this other, you know, truth about you that you needed to, to be able to, to be honest and tell them like, this is who I really am.

I still love you. I'm still your mother. I'm still, you know, like this amazing human being. There's just not a future for me and your dad. Cause that's one of the [00:07:00] hardest things we have to tell children is a divorce.

Sara Webb: Well, fortunately or unfortunately, my daughter was very young. I have

Angela Gennari: a

Sara Webb: child, biological child.

And I realized when I got pregnant with her nearly eight years ago or more than eight years ago, I guess that I was using alcohol in order to deny and suppress and people please, because I was afraid of my parents and them continue to do. So I. Was sober for the first time when I got pregnant and recognized that I was unable to really be intimate with him and it didn't have anything to do with him.

It had to do with the fact that he was a, so I began folding into myself. That's when I, when I was pregnant, I learned transcendental meditation. TM when I was about five months pregnant, I had been meditating before, but that's when I [00:08:00] really began a 20 minutes twice a day practice. And that is where I really started looking at some of the traumas that have occurred in my life.

And you know, when you spend time with yourself, it's like everyone's into self optimization, but they're not spending time with themselves. And so when we fold within, we're able to really listen and see, and start to have that. Stepping back from our awareness and being able to experience it as the watcher instead of in the movie.

And so I left my ex husband when she was two and we got divorced very quickly. It was very civil, didn't do all the arguing. And so my daughter doesn't remember anything except for me being gay.

Angela Gennari: And That's amazing. That's, that's probably the best case scenario, I would imagine. Because, I mean, coming, because to be honest with you, I think [00:09:00] the older the children are, the more confused they are in a divorce.

Um, and I mean, even when you have a heterosexual, heterosexual, um, couple, you know, they, they deal with it harder. As they get older because they, they, especially if they're going through their own hormones in puberty, they're confused. But my son was six when we got divorced and it was very difficult. Um, now most of what he remembers is me and his dad being divorced because he's 17 now.

But I remember that conversation was really, really hard. And it almost made me stay just because of how much heartbreak he went through. And, um, it's, it's very, very, very difficult, but having any conversation about divorce with your children is so challenging. Yeah.

Sara Webb: And like you said, it really does affect your productivity at work, your ability to focus your ability to really.

Feel positive, positive [00:10:00] person or not, it really is such a depression of of the ego is such a depression of our ability to just feel vibrant because it is this social rejection and whether you're the one who broke up. Or you're the one who's broken up with it is social rejection and we know that neurologically biologically when we're rejected socially.

It's just like, Being kicked out of the city or thrown out of tribe neurologically, biologically, physiologically, we know that that means certain death because if you are out of the society, like you're not able to trade or find water or so it, it affects us still in this way that we feel like. There's no other option.

And I oftentimes talk to clients and they're, I mean, I talked to somebody last night who's coming on in another week and she's [00:11:00] like, I haven't been suicidal, but like, I just don't want to be anymore. And. It's to that social rejection and she's like, I'm, I'm going through the motions at work, but I'm not producing.

And, and, and that's what happens, you know? So when we can be honest about what happened and instead of we live in this 3d world, right? We deny, distract, associate. Yeah. Yeah. It's so easy to deny, distract, associate. We've got all these things and people and places to go. But when we can actually be honest and sit with ourselves, sit with our breath, there's so many different kinds of ways to meditate and then leverage really important tools that will get to the crux of it and allow us to see the patterns so that we don't repeat it.

Angela Gennari: That's

Sara Webb: when we get back to our most vibrant, most successful, best in business selves. And then when that thing shows up in our vibration again, we're like, I recognize this. Yes.

Angela Gennari: Yeah, absolutely. Well, [00:12:00] and I think meditation is one of those things where we all met. We all handle things differently, but having the ability to really be introspective is so important.

And when you're not introspective, then it's very quick. You're very quick to blame the outside world, right? So it's the outside world's influence that made, you know, Oh, Your divorce happened that this happened at that happened and we don't start self reflecting and say what was my part of this. And I think with my divorce like one of the things that I did is I went, I took a month long and I volunteered out of the country, just because I needed that introspection time I needed that.

You know, time away from work from obligations from from everything that I so I could just focus on what is important to me. How can I recover from this? You know what? What was my part in this right? Because everybody has a part in a divorce, even if you were cheated on, even if there was something we all have to own some part of, you know, whatever went wrong.

[00:13:00] And so I think just being able to be introspective allows you to grow and be healthy for the next relationship.

Sara Webb: Yeah, absolutely. It's that folding within and listening and, and noticing what you're noticing because we live most of our life by default, just programming. Subconscious is in charge and we're not really analyzing what we're doing.

We have these automatic triggers, not in a, in a bad sense, but these triggers. You know, I go to this place and I have this food and I'm with this person and it makes me think about this and, and that's the body's and brain's way of making things really easy for us. But it takes actually looking at it and trying to pay attention to what are the disempowering things that I'm allowing to pass through my head.

Cause we have like 70, thoughts every day, which is crazy, but 95 percent of them are the same as the day before. Wow. Really? 80 percent are negative. Oh, that's

Angela Gennari: terrible.

Sara Webb: So yeah, [00:14:00] well, and it's just keeping us safe. That's, that's our body, our physiology's way of just like looking for problems. Cause it used to be, I'm sure you know a lot of it about stress, you know, like it used to be when we were out foraging, hunting and gathering, we really needed to pay attention to an invading tribes person or animal.

And And our bodies still react that same way, even though it's an email or traffic. And then we're in this heightened state. So when something does happen, that's really emotionally difficult or otherwise, we're already so overstimulated that sometimes it causes this complete shutdown and that, that depressions like.

Like when a heartbreak happens or something happens in business, that's heartbreaking or with a friend

Angela Gennari: or a death

Sara Webb: death can, can throw us off our game. Cause we're just, we're already so over simulated, but when we sit in meditation a couple of times a day, or at least once a [00:15:00] day and just allow that parasympathetic nervous system to take over, then we're allowing our body to rest and digest.

So that would. Be more productive and be more successful and, and really step into our biggest authenticity through that iterative process.

Angela Gennari: Absolutely. So I love that you brought up the physiological response to stress because there's a, there's a book out there saying, uh, bought your body keeps the score body.

Yeah, I know it well. And it's so true because when I was When I needed to be divorced and I wasn't divorced yet, I was, you know, there, there was one of those, you know, you go through that moment of like, it's coming, you know, it's coming, but you're in denial still, like you were just saying, you know, at the denial, the three D's, and, um, you're, you're still in denial.

You, you keep thinking if I could just hold on a little while longer, if I could just endure, [00:16:00] if I could just keep, you know, figure out what I can do differently. And sometimes it has nothing to do with what you could do differently. And your body is like, I was grinding my teeth so much that my dentist was threatening to put a mouth guard in me.

And he was like, this is terrible. You can't keep grinding your teeth like this. You're going to get Problems with your jaw forever. And so anyway, I was grinding my teeth. I was aches and pains and cracks. And, you know, it was just like, I constantly had a headache. It was, it was one of those things where it's like you, your body is telling you physiologically, there's something wrong.

And if you don't deal with it soon, we're taking you down. I'm probably

Sara Webb: not able to sleep, right? No, we do. We get sick. If we don't rest, our bodies will do it for us. They'll choose the time. Yeah, to get that rest in. So, yeah, absolutely. It's such a gripping thing. And so that's the reason why I'm a resilience coach and [00:17:00] why I do focus primarily on the LGBTQIA population.

I am so fortunate to be able to work with women, queer women who I mean, I work with anyone because of my history coming out later in life. And then I did get remarried pretty quickly. There's a joke in the gay community, like what a gay men bring on a second date. There is no second date. What a lesbians bring a U Haul.

Right. And it's that theological, that, that biological need for like nesting and hair. And it's our, it's our motherly instinct that when you get two women together, Or two seed spreaders together. That's what happens. So, you know, my ex wife and I did the whole U Haul thing, blended our families. We had nine souls underneath one roof between

Angela Gennari: the

Sara Webb: cats and the dog and the kids and us and did that, you know, got married six months to the day after we met.[00:18:00]

And it was, such a healing experience for me to be able to go through that and then come out of it. And I've healed myself through other really tragic heartbreaks. 15 years ago, my ex fiance cheated on me while I was sleeping in the next room. And I find out about it from From him. I found out about it from the guy that he cheated on me with and who came clean about it and yeah, lots of, lots of big heartbreak.

And I've learned over all these decades how to do it right.

Angela Gennari: And

Sara Webb: I feel very equipped and I know from client success stories to help people get back to their productivity, get back to themselves. I mean, that's what I say, get over your ex and get back to yourself because it does take looking at ourselves and what we're doing and how we can nourish ourselves because there's, there's all this blame.

Like. He didn't do this. She didn't do that. Well, when you're pointing [00:19:00] a finger, you've heard the adage that there's three fingers pointing back. Well, and, and that's just a sign that you can't control what other people do. There's two things you can control your thoughts and your actions. And that's it.

And let's look at what we are doing and how we can prevent this, especially with women that people pleasing

Intro: is.

Angela Gennari: That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Because, you know, when, when it comes to things like, well, how could I be at fault? You know, he cheated or she cheated or whatever it was. And it's, it has nothing to do with that.

Sometimes it's the, the, we know that there's something wrong and we're allowing it to happen because we just don't want to rock the boat. And we just don't want to, you know, You know, say anything and we're not standing up for ourselves and we're not stepping into our power. And so sometimes it has nothing to do with what we are doing to somebody.

It's what we are doing to ourselves. That is the blame, right? It's how we are not coming through for ourselves that we have to take ownership of.

Sara Webb: Yes, absolutely. And that people pleasing is [00:20:00] so ingrained. I think for women, especially I was raised in the deep South. So I was taught. Intrinsically and extrinsically that, you know, I'm not as important as I was raised in a heavily, um, Bible belt area and, you know, the woman is taken from the man's room.

We are class from the get go and. So we have to really step into our power, which is why my program is actually called revive your power

Angela Gennari: about

Sara Webb: turning around and say, okay, how can I pull myself up by the bootstraps? It is about that resilience and resilience doesn't mean getting. If you're in the middle of running, sprinting, and you fall.

Resilience doesn't mean you get up and start running again. Right. It just means that you get back up.

Angela Gennari: Yeah. Yeah. [00:21:00] Yeah. There's no, yeah, I agree. There, there's no, um, you don't have to, I say this to myself all the time, because I, I've been an overachiever since, since, uh, You know, since I was a kid and I get down on myself, but I don't have like as productive of a day today as I was yesterday, you know, like, well, gosh, I wasted an hour doing something, you know, and whether that was meaningless, you know, or, or mindless work or whatever, it doesn't matter.

Um, Like I, I hold myself to an impossible standard that I have to constantly be at a 10 every single day and it's not possible. Resilience is just sometimes like, Hey, I wasn't a three, you know, sometimes it's just, I put one foot in front of the other. And I think that's where we get down on ourselves most after a breakup, because, you know, we go from operating at a 10.

To operating at a two and we just feel worthless. Like now it's not just the breakup. It's not just the the hurt. It's not just the the distraction and everything [00:22:00] else that we're dealing with. It's the loss of productivity and other aspects of life and we get really down on ourselves because of that too, or at least I do.

Um, so I'm just curious as to what your advice is for people when they're going through something like that.

Sara Webb: Well, this is. An area that I absolutely identify with. I have something that you might recognize as high functioning anxiety. So those of us with high functioning anxiety are able to Um, Kind of do that denied distract associate in order to accomplish things because that makes us feel more relevant and you know, the long and the short of it is it's a trauma response.

It doesn't have to be a big T trauma. It can be a little T trauma, but it's this wanting to feel validation and relevant and accomplished because we need somehow to feel that and the anxiety that we [00:23:00] experience is just that. We're actually using the anxiety as fuel

Angela Gennari: and

Sara Webb: then the inner critic, that itty bitty shitty committee here will tell us things that are really disempowering.

And so when we meditate, when I work individually with anyone, whether it's heartbreak or if you just want to learn to meditate, which I still do sometimes, we are able to listen to. While we're in session and listen while we're in meditation. So this is my advice to all of your audience is start to watch your thoughts, listen to your thoughts, pay attention to what are the things that I'm habitually telling myself about myself because typically it doesn't come from us.

It came from an aunt or a parent figure or a coach that we had in school who maybe said something or, or even. Somebody in middle school who said something really terrible to us. And then we started repeating it to ourselves in our head. And so I tell [00:24:00] my seven year old all the time, don't listen to what the people say about you and repeat it to yourself in your head.

You say nice things to yourself in your head. I'm trying to coach her. I don't know if it's going to work. And I don't have a test, um, a control subject. Okay. Um, yeah. We've got to deal with the thoughts because everything starts with a thought.

Angela Gennari: It's so

Sara Webb: true. Yeah. Carol Dweck wrote an amazing book called Mindset, which is like a meta study of all the meta studies of how, when you go into a certain situation with a certain idea of the outcome or a certain perception of what it's going to be like, it changes the way that the results happen and the way that we perceive it.

And so, I mean, they say life is 20%. skill set and 80 percent mindset.

Angela Gennari: Yes, that is so true. So true. Well, and it's hard to keep that mindset, you know, in, in that growth [00:25:00] positivity mode, you know, when you're going through stuff, so meditation is really important. Um, I started listening to affirmations.

Affirmations have been a game changer for me. Because I will, I will go through those things in my head. I will go through the, I'm not good enough. This isn't working. What am I doing wrong? And I will start criticizing myself because I'm my biggest critic as most of us are. And so, you know, we, we will criticize ourselves and, you know, those affirmations, like now I listen to affirmations when I'm going to bed.

Because, you know, that, that time between when you're awake and almost, we're almost asleep. That almost asleep time is when your brain takes in the most stuff. Um, you know, and, and it really has changed things for me. It's, it's increased my confidence. It's increased my ability to think through problems without criticizing myself as the sole source of why all the problems exist.

And so it really is a game changer is just mindset.

Sara Webb: Yeah, affirmations work. And that's something we work on. Some [00:26:00] people don't like that word affirmations, declarations, statements, whatever you want to call it. We use them all day long

Angela Gennari: because

Sara Webb: we don't just have five senses. We have six. We have the ability to talk to ourselves in our head like a crazy person.

Sometimes we're not even aware. Constant monologue that doesn't shut off until we go to sleep. And you're spot on there that the brainwave states that we have before and after sleep and especially before and after meditation. We are very impressionable. And so we utilize affirmations as well. You listen to affirmations, I guess on YouTube, I'll give you a tip and all your listeners.

There's this fantastic app that is free and it is called parrot like the bird. Okay. And you can record anything and it plays it in a loop. Wow. That's really interesting in your own voice, which is even better, right? So you can record four affirmations or 40 and it'll just continuously play it. So last night I listened all night long.

So every time I [00:27:00] woke up, I heard like a little clip of it and then I would go back to sleep. And so I've done a lot of work around manifestation with affirmations in that really targeted way. I found that app last summer and have leveraged. Much as possible, especially before and after meditation. You can listen before you go in and you can also use meditation and breath work.

This is something I do with my clients. If they're open to it, you can use specific breath work and use the cadence of the breath in order to root it in.

Angela Gennari: Hmm.

Sara Webb: Very interesting. Usually we're not breathing from the full breadth of our diaphragm. We're not, I'm sorry. We're not breathing. Through our entire lungs.

We're not activating the diaphragm entirely. So we're, and then when we're stressed, we're only breathing from the top portion. We don't fully oxygenate. So breath work can oxygenate brain heart, our entire being, and actually [00:28:00] promote those affirmations to root in further because we're super oxygenated.

And then we can do breath holds. Very, very powerful. And when we hold the breath, we are getting right into the subconscious because it's this fear of when am I going to be able to release this breath or when am I going to breathe again depending on if you're holding at the top or at the bottom. And so if you're using the affirmations intentionally and relaxing and you know that you're safe when you're scaring yourself with the breath hold.

You can turn on that app or just repeat it to yourself in your head in order to really root that into your system. And it has been a life changer for me.

Angela Gennari: Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. I've done the, the, when I'm really like high anxiety, like if I know I have to go do a speaking gig, or there's something that I've got to do walking into an [00:29:00] important meeting, I'll do the, uh, what is a four count breath of like in for four.

Hold for four out for four. Yeah. The, the box breathing. Is that what it is? Yeah. So, um, I've done that before and it really does settle your mind so much. Yeah, when we're in control

Sara Webb: of it, when we're aware of it and we're in a stressed state, they're calling it a tech apnea or email apnea that we don't realize that we're actually like holding our breath while we're checking emails or, or working on something because we are in this stress state.

We don't know what's going to be thrown at us next. And. We find ourselves holding our breath and that is mental when you're not doing it on purpose.

Angela Gennari: Yeah, absolutely. Very interesting. So, Tell me a little bit about, um, so you've gone through your, you know, you, you've got, you've been divorced twice. I've been divorced twice also.

Um, so how do you then get through and make yourself healthy for the next? Like that's, [00:30:00] that's my challenge, you know, is like, okay, I've been divorced twice, you know, like maybe I'm just not good at this. And you kind of start replaying this thing in your mind of like, maybe relationships are not for him.

I'm just going to focus on work. And so how do you then get through? And start changing the mindset there because two divorces is traumatic. It really is. And

Sara Webb: divorce rate goes up with every divorce twice. I think it's like 60 percent three times. It's like 80 percent chance of getting divorced again.

Angela Gennari: Yeah,

Sara Webb: you're right. It is a mindset and saying things like, I'm just not good at relationships. I'm listen, I've said those things too. And we just feel like I'm throwing up my hands. This is something like. Right. But working with skilled practitioners who know how to ask the right questions and assign the right journal prompts or just thinking questions that allow us to dig into our [00:31:00] childhood.

Angela Gennari: We're

Sara Webb: ages 0 to 7 and 7 to 14, but especially ages 0 to 7, we are in a meditative state. There are five brainwave states. We have Delta, Theta, Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. And normally we operate in Beta, Delta's deep sleep, and somewhere in between there is sleep and meditation. And we're very impressionable here, as you know, when we're ages zero to seven, zero to two, we're in Delta, and that's why they sleep so much.

And then two to seven, we're in Theta, and we're just taking in everything as fact. We are. Emotional beings. We don't have the vocabulary. We don't have the rationale. Our prefrontal cortex doesn't start forming until we're 10 and doesn't finish until we're in our 20s. And so we're taking in everything as fact.

So, for example, in my daughter's case, You know, having a trauma like her parents getting divorced at the age of two is something that I know she's going to have to deal with and that I want to help her with as much [00:32:00] as possible. But I had to step, I had to take care of mama. It's that idea of putting on your own oxygen mask first before asking others.

I had to show her what a strong, independent woman she was. Would do and and how to step into my authenticity. And so in answer to your question, how do we get back? It's an iterative, intentional process that old adage that time heals all wounds. Is a myth.

Angela Gennari: We

Sara Webb: have to do it intentionally. And so personally I have worked with coaches.

I have had therapists and I think therapy really has its place, but I really like coaching because that is more of a partnership where they're leading you and they're showing you where to point instead of being this pedestal type thing where you're just talking yourself in circles. Right, right.

Hypnotherapy liberally, which is meditation. You know, in order [00:33:00] to dig out some of these deep traumas of these things that I was repeating, I actually processed a lot of it during my last marriage because I was having a lot of issues in, in the relationship we were arguing. And so I sought out a certified hypnotherapist, interpersonal hypnotherapist, and found some things that I was not looking for.

Interesting. Yeah. And so once you look at it. It doesn't make it so serious. It feels so big when we're five or seven, but once you're able to see it as an adult, you're like, Oh, that's why I'm doing that. And now I don't have to do that anymore. And I mean, it's just an awareness. It's just looking at it and knowing, okay, this is what I'm dealing with.

And this is how I'm going to proceed intentionally consciously. Cause remember most of our lives we're in our subconscious.

Angela Gennari: Yeah.

Sara Webb: Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's my advice is find somebody that [00:34:00] you want to work with. That is a coach in some area that you feel comfortable with that can lead you down this path of healing.

It's really a journey toward yourself. Yeah. Talk about authenticity and love of self, but that's, that's it. Stop pleasing really rooted in, in what do I need upholding boundaries You know, this is, this is the secret sauce

Angela Gennari: and

Sara Webb: it seems really complicated, but it's really simple. It's just hard things that are simple.

Our heart meditation is simple,

Angela Gennari: but it's not always easy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, actually, because, you know, you're starting to discover things about yourself that you may not want to address, right? And so you're like, Hmm, you know, maybe I can just shut this down and I won't meditate tomorrow because, you know, too many things are coming up and too many things in my subconscious and, but it is, it's a very powerful tool.

[00:35:00] And I think that, um, You know, for healing and for introspection. It's just so important to really understand you and, you know, what it is that you need and your truth. You know, we all have our own personal truth. And I think one of the things that has kept me single for the past several years and not jumping into another relationship is because I started to realize some truths about myself that, uh, make very Like aware of, of, you know, when people are coming into my life, how do they affect my energy?

And if they don't affect my energy in a positive way, they're gone, gone, you know? And so it's like, I'm very protective of my energy. Now I'm very honest with myself about what I need. I'm very honest about who I am and what I, you know, myself. need and what I contribute. And so, um, and anyone who's not fitting into that, it's just, okay, then it's just okay.

They're, they're, they're a great person for somebody else.

Sara Webb: Exactly. [00:36:00] I did want to circle back quickly because when I first learned to meditate and when I was getting my first divorce, I used meditation to basically ask a question like, okay, I know this big trauma, this big T trauma that I've been denying for the past decade and a half.

I know that it's a fact and I'd really like to find a practitioner. I'm going to sit down with myself. And just be quiet with that question kind of in the back of the head and say, who are the people that I've talked to in the past decade or so, that might be able to point me to a practitioner. And I feel good referral, you know, you can go within and say, who, who can help me with this problem?

And this is getting a little where my science meets my spirituality, but I believe in quantum physics, which is the new science. And I believe that when we meditate, we [00:37:00] access that quantum field of all possibility.

Angela Gennari: Yeah,

Sara Webb: where they're all answers. You know, this state of pure consciousness. And so you can really use these meditative states to find answers.

That's why they say there are answers in silence. And it's a fantastic tool for business. You can have a business meeting with yourself and with your mentors and just, Oh, I, you know, I really want to call on that, that person that I used to work with and, and see if you can access some of that wisdom that does live inside of you in your subconscious.

We've stored everything inside the brain and the body. And we're so distracted out here and connected to our eyes. We've got to shut that off so that we can go within and find those answers because they are there.

Angela Gennari: Oh, they, they definitely are. I agree with you. So what led you down the path of wanting to, to your healing journey?

Where did this all begin? I mean, how did [00:38:00] you first start saying, this is what I want to dedicate my life to, because it's, it's a very unique, um, and powerful, um, career. So what what led you down this path?

Sara Webb: My own struggle. I mean, specifically, I've been coaching meditation primarily, and I've been a, an inspirational speaker, but heartbreak is something that when I, when I went through the second heartbreak, the first heartbreak, you know, I, I broke up with him, right out of the closet and did all those things.

But the second one, I was really, really devastated and I was looking for a queer coach. I couldn't find one.

Angela Gennari: Yeah.

Sara Webb: Plenty of heartbreak coaches, but they're all for heteronormative relationships and queer hearts break harder. That's the name of my forthcoming book. We, we have different relationships, especially women because of that whole U Haul phenomenon that we talked about.

We have these intertwined, [00:39:00] beautiful relationships that when they fall apart, we really don't know where to turn. It's, it's, it's the same for heterosexual relationships, but with women, I think that we just take it so much harder and sometimes we lose our best friend. I mean, it's true in a lot of relationships, but we.

We have this really special way of getting to know one another. And so I became a coach because there was nobody doing it. And so I had to sign up with a couple of different straight coaches. And use my therapist as well and cobbled together my own program, essentially, because I had done it other times as a, you know what, I, I think I'm going to turn, cause I was using meditation in a very targeted way.

I'm like, I'm going to turn this into a business that helps other queer women like me, because [00:40:00] there's nobody doing it out there. And it's so needed. I mean, we are a smaller part of the population, but we're an important part of the population. And. And so, yeah, that's, that's, I just know that this is my Dharma.

This is where I'm supposed to serve

Angela Gennari: in

Sara Webb: life is to teach 28 million people to meditate. I love that. I love that.

Angela Gennari: Starting small, good for you. So what obstacles have you had to overcome in terms of like, you know, just starting and getting your practice built?

Sara Webb: Ooh, yeah, there's definitely a big learning curve.

I have had businesses of my own in the past, but, uh, well, they were nonprofits and so very different structure and very, so I had to hire a business coach in order to help me kind of reframe How this level of business [00:41:00] works. I did work for a multinational company, you know, fortune 50 company and had my own business kind of under their umbrella as well, but it's very different from that.

And, and especially a big challenge that I continue to have to overcome, as I've mentioned a couple of times is just the fact that my, my parents. are railing against me every single day because not only am I out of the closet and gay, It's integral and it's all over the internet and media and they're embarrassed.

And so when I first turned this corner and started focusing on my community, it was a real big struggle to overcome. Wow. My own. It's not imposter syndrome, but it's this people pleasing of being afraid to be myself. [00:42:00] Yeah. Afraid to step into this place of authenticity where I know I can serve and where I feel most vibrant.

I mean, I freaking love what I do. It is so delicious and it's so fulfilling. And I've had to work through those challenges in order to get to this place where I've got a full book of clients and almost no, you know, people text me and they're like, I can't find a space on your calendar in order to sign up to see if they can become a potential client.

And so, yeah, I mean, the struggle is real and it's through the struggle that we achieve that success and it's through the sitting within that we're able. To step into that productivity. It's that yin and yang. It's like everything in life is in cycles, day and night, our heartbeats, our lungs, the weather patterns, the tides, and it is learning that [00:43:00] push pull and making sure that when we're riding that wave, we realize that we are going Yeah.

Oh yeah. And we're going to be able to get back up on the next wave.

Angela Gennari: Yeah. So, you know, one of the things that, you know, really impressed me about you is your ability to step into your power. Because, um, one of the things that, um, I think as women, we do is we give our power away all the time. So can you tell me about a time that you've given your power away and then another time that you've stepped into your power?

And I mean, I can, I can already give you a hundred examples of how you've stepped into your power because you really are, you know, Exponentially, like one of those women who are clearly in your power right now, you're doing exactly what you want to be doing and what you're meant to be doing. So that to me is, is extremely powerful.

So tell me about a time that you've given away your power.

Sara Webb: That's a good question. I mean, the, the, [00:44:00] the biggest one I'm thinking of, of course, is, is just staying in the closet, but let me think, cause we've talked about that a little bit. Um, Hmm.

I think just finding my voice, I have had practitioners over the years who have told me that, you know, I've got this throat chakra thing that's been blocked and I'm like, really? How's that possible? I'm really loud, but I don't know if I could possibly have my throat chakra blocked, but, but it, it was. not standing up for what I know is right for me, for my family, you know, trying to conform to what my ex husband thought I should look like.

I mean, I, I dyed my hair and did all kinds of things cosmetically to myself in order to try to be accepted. By him, because I was afraid of [00:45:00] being out of the closet and, and not having this, they call them the beard, you know, this safety net. And so, yeah, just finding my voice and being able to say, and really that is a, that is a constant unfolding.

I recognize something in myself where I was. Doing that whole mental gymnastics of trying to guess what they thought that I should say or not say or You know, it had to do with, like, the context of where a meeting should be held. And I'm like, why didn't, why didn't I just ask, you know, find our voice and just say, Hey, I was thinking that maybe we should have this meeting at a coffee shop.

But then I thought maybe you don't want to discuss these things at a coffee shop. And so instead of asking that question, the mistake that I made yesterday, I made all kinds of assumptions and I could have just found my voice. [00:46:00] And instead stepped into my own power of just asking instead of,

Angela Gennari: yeah, well, and I think assuming gets us in all kinds of trouble, doesn't it?

And that's people

Sara Webb: pleasing. People pleasing is a hundred percent assumption. We don't know what they want, or maybe we do know what they want, but the real crux of it is, and maybe you've talked about this previously on your show is that people pleasing is selfish.

Angela Gennari: Yes. Yeah,

Sara Webb: we don't think about that. We are trying to be accepted or trying to not be rejected and and making guesses on what this person thinks about us and how they're going to perceive our actions.

It's so much assumptions and so much self preservation. We're trying to make sure that we are safe within this box that we're creating for ourselves. It isn't helpful.

Angela Gennari: Yeah. No, it isn't. And not showing up authentically is not fair to the other person because then they, they don't know what to expect. So, um, all right.

So [00:47:00] what, what advice would you give to your 18 year old self?

Sara Webb: Good one. Go to a different college. Yeah. Yeah. I would've gone to a different college probably. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think that had a big part in, I mean, it, it does affect kind of where you end up in life and. Really does. Yeah.

Angela Gennari: How about you? Um, I think I would tell my 18 year old self to not be so hard on myself.

Cause I, I was just one of those where it's like, if I wasn't a 10, I was a one. Right. And so it's like, it wasn't here. I was nowhere. And so, um, yeah, it was. I, I've always been very hard on myself and I think I would just say, ease up. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. That's right. Ease up. Uh, so one more question and I really am so appreciative of all the great insight that you've given us today, but what, what [00:48:00] would, what do you wish more people knew?

That meditation is magic. Yes.

Sara Webb: Yes, it is. It sure is. Yeah. We cultivate personal magic slowly day by day.

Angela Gennari: A hundred percent. Well, Sarah, this has been such a pleasure. I've learned a ton and I have really enjoyed talking to you. Same here. Thank you so much. Absolutely. My pleasure. So, um, if you guys want to, uh, reach out and find Sarah Webb, uh, you'll find her on pretty powerful podcast.

com. And then how else can they find you?

Sara Webb: I'm everywhere at Sarah Webb says that's S A R A W E B B

Angela Gennari: S A Y S. Awesome. Thank you so much again, Sarah. And I wish you all the best success in everything that you're doing. And I appreciate you so, so very much. Thank you. All right. Have a great day. All right. Bye everybody.

Intro: Thank you for joining our guests on the Pretty Powerful Podcast. [00:49:00] And we hope you've gained new insight and learned from exceptional women. Remember to subscribe or check out this and all episodes on prettypowerfulpodcast. com. Visit us next time and until then, step into your own power.